


Oh, this is gonna be fun

by ALzzza



Series: Heart of the Home [10]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce Wayne is So Done, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Cass Duke and Steph are trolls, Dysfunctional Family, Everyone is a little shit in this, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Random - Freeform, Sibling Bonding, Timeline? we don't know her, everyone is dissing Jason's street cred so MUCH in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22681126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALzzza/pseuds/ALzzza
Summary: “No,” Steph says with certainty. “No, they’re all orphans sadly.”Cass adds, “Runaways.”“Except for Damian.” Duke nods over the clerk’s shoulder. Finishing, “He just likes attacking people.”The guy definitely steels himself this time. Not glancing over for a second. Looking quite afraid to ask them which one’s Damian. Steph saying helpfully, “He’s only been caught by the cops once, but we don’t hold it against him. Poor soul.” Cass nodding along.“Uhm, right…” The guy swallows a breath before chancing, “So… there’s, no one? In charge.At all.”Or, Steph and Co. Go to the Movies and, Somehow, Steph Finds Herself Graduated to Sanest Person In The Room—She isNotEnjoying This Position.
Relationships: Duke Thomas & Jason Todd, Stephanie Brown & Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Duke Thomas, Stephanie Brown & Duke Thomas, Stephanie Brown & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Jason Todd, Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne
Series: Heart of the Home [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1350760
Comments: 17
Kudos: 450





	Oh, this is gonna be fun

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!! I wrote this pretty random fic in a fit of inspiration so I thought I might as well share. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Um, excuse me?” The cinema attendant inches over and Steph looks up from her phone for fear of being impolite.

To the side, one of the boys scream.

“Yes? Can I help you?”

“Uh,” the poor guy seems to physical reframe from glancing behind him. “Uh, do you know these people?”

Cass steps up beside her. Seems to consider the clerk. Saying, “Do they owe you money?”

The guy blinks. Hesitating, “No?”

“Are you planning a murder?”

The guy looks a little frightened now. Which, Steph can understand, Cass is scary. Says again, “No?”

Cass hums, considers him. Looks sideways to Duke who finally looks up from his phone. Pushing off the wall, crossing his arms and standing beside Cass all in one movement. Says, “Then sure, we know them.”

The guy looks like he’s afraid of being punch out right now. Which, Steph _doesn’t_ think is fair. Cass is way scarier than Duke.

Hell, _she’s_ scarier than Duke.

The clerk fumbles, seems to forget what he was saying. The three of them waiting with attentive expressions. He finally manages, “Is there a, uh. An adult in charge of them, maybe?” The last bit rushed out in one breath.

Steph turns, all of them considering each other for a lengthy pause. They turn back.

“No,” Steph says with certainty. “No, they’re all orphans sadly.”

Cass adds, “Runaways.”

“Except for Damian.” Duke nods over the clerk’s shoulder. Finishing, “He just likes attacking people.”

The guy definitely steels himself this time. Not glancing over for a second. Looking quite afraid to ask them which one’s Damian. Steph saying helpfully, “He’s only been caught by the cops once, but we don’t hold it against him. Poor soul.” Cass nodding along.

“Uhm, right…” The guy swallows a breath before chancing, “So… there’s, no one? In charge. At all.”

“Hmm.” Duke leans sideways on one foot, glancing the guy over. Says, “In terms of _adult_ supervision. No, not really.” He pauses, seems to consider. “Though, if we’re getting _technical_ there is their butler.”

He glances over at Cass and Steph and they shrug, nodding along in faint agreement.

Cass breaking in when the guy opens his mouth, probably to ask after Alfred, “He died.”

Duke coughs, elbowing in front of her. Saying, “But he’s better now. Do you want me to call him or…?”

The cinema clerk is practically vibrating at this point. Exploding out with desperation and hand gestures to match, “ _Are none of you in charge_?”

Steph opens her mouth, pausing to quirk an eyebrow when Cass and Duke share a glance. Duke communicating for the two of them, “Well, I mean, sure. Me and Cass.”

“What!” Steph looks away from the clerk, swings to look at them both like they’re _crazy_.

Duke just shrugs. “What?” Adding when that doesn’t suffice, “I like to think we’re the sanest in the room.”

“No. Nu-uh, no _way_.” Steph waves her hand at him, now completely in front of him. Blocking off guy-the-nervous-cinema-clerk who tries leaning sideways, standing on his tiptoes to see over Steph’s shoulder when that fails.

Steph has to physically hold herself back from spiralling into another spill of denials. Saying, hand gestures calm and orderly this time, “ _No_. How can you possibly _think_ that?”

Duke shrugs. Glances sideways at Cass then back to Steph as he says, “...By association?” He stares at Steph, but Steph just stares _back_ , blank and uncomprehending.

Duke adding, “Y’know, _everyone else_ in the room is—” here he just gestures emphatically at the chaos unfolding behind her.

Picking up with, “So, _therefore_ , me and Cass—" he gestures just as emphatically between him and Cass, who’s nodding along in agreement. “—are sanest in the room by default.”

Steph stares at Duke, looks to Cass. A second passes. She looks back to Duke.

Both of them watching her patiently as she breathes in the deepest sigh. Folding her hands in front of her. Saying, “First of all, can I just say, I am _offended_ that you guys didn’t include me in that grouping. Second!” She says this loudly like Duke and Cass were going to break out with apologies. They don’t. “You are _not_ the sanest in the room. _Ever_. You could be in an _empty room_ ,” her voice getting more passionate as she goes. “And you would _still not be_ the sanest people in the room!”

Duke and Cass both consider her silently for a second. Steph using this to heave in passionate little breathes.

Then, “That... really doesn’t make any sense. If we were the only people in the room—”

“Duke! I am literally _this close_ —” She doesn’t finish but then again, she doesn’t need to if the hands he raises are any indication.

Guy-the-nervous-cinema-clerk clears his throat behind them, but Steph doesn’t stop glaring at Duke.

Cass offering hesitantly after a moment, “You could be sanest in the room?”

“Cass!” Steph’s whining a little, sue her! “That’s not complimentary!”

Cass shrugs like she knows this but doesn’t have anything else to offer. Says, “Condolences?”

Steph just pouts at them. Duke finally offering, “We’ll buy you flowers?”

“God,” Steph sighs. “You owe me so many flowers.”

Duke and Cass nodding along, blatantly grabbing the olive branch and building it into a beautiful twig-built castle. “ _Yes_.”

“So many.”

“ _Definitely_.”

Steph sighs, steps sideways. Turns back to guy-nervous (shortened for convenience). “You were saying?”

He shifts. Opens his mouth, pausing when Duke gets hit in the head by a wayward piece of popcorn. Off to the side, battle sounds halt. Jason’s laughter booming before abruptly cutting out, by, Steph presumes, someone’s fist.

Guy-nervous shuts his mouth.

“You know...” He sweats, trying to edge back. “Maybe I should just get my manager...”

Steph sighs, cocking her head to look at him. He seems to be caught in his spot and Steph sighs again.

Clears her throat loudly before looking over at the empty-but-for-them theatre. It’s a mess, she remains unsurprised. Calling, “Okay, boys! Time to go!”

“Aw, but I was winning.” The three of them instantly lumbering over despite Tim’s complaining.

Steph gets a good look at them for the first time in five minutes. Damian is already picking popcorn out of his hair, Tim seeming unconcerned or unaware with the popcorn scatter all through his. Jason is tilting his head back to stem a nosebleed, but Steph doesn’t _think_ it’s broken. It must be allergies.

Steph’s pretty sure Alfred mentioned allergies.

Cass is looking at him like she might ask for a distinction. In the end, just shrugs and turns away. Steph following her gaze to find guy-nervous has vanished in their distraction.

_Coward_.

“So,” she says, slinging an arm around Tim’s shoulder. Dragging him along when he only grins. “Where to, boy wonder?”

“Dunno.” Glances sideways, somewhat awkwardly with the headlock she’s got him in, to Duke. Says, “Home?” Then when neither of them says anything else, “Why? Did you want to do something?”

“Nope!” Steph pops her lips.

Duke adding, voice only mostly dry, “I think we’re good.”

Jason calling after them as they walk out of the theatre and into the empty hallway, voice a little nasal-y, “Oi! _Stephie_! You have a tissue?”

Steph huffs. Half rolling her eyes as she calls back, “No!” Tim wincing at the volume.

“Duke?” Jason asks, jogging up to them. Swings his arm around Duke’s shoulder, other still holding his nose.

Duke jerks a little at the added weight, but otherwise continues walking. Side-eyes Jason, huffing around half a smirk. Says, “No, man. Sorry.” Then, “Just use your shirt.”

Jason pulls a face, glancing down at his somehow clean shirt. Saying around his hand, “Gross, no. I’ll get blood on it.”

“ _Jason_ ,” Duke says, a second from laughing. “You’re getting blood all over your _face_.”

Steph feels like that isn’t the most important point he could be making. Considering, you know, _Jason’s killed people_.

Jason just shrugs. Tim saying beside her, “An improvement, really.”

Jason raises an eyebrow. Removing his hand, looking over in time to give a huge bloody grin that has Steph swallowing laughter. Says, “Timmy, jealousy is so ugly.”

Tim snorts at him. “You would know.”

Jason just shrugs, smirking. Must give up on stopping the bleeding because he lowers his hand from the altogether _wreck_ that is his face. Steph not swallowing her laugh this time, and Jason looks over with another raised eyebrow. Steph laughing harder when he just grins again, looking like he’s been through a meat grinder.

Tim must give up on her, shrugging her arm off. Saying as she continues laughing, “You’re humour's so weird.” But he’s laughing a little now too, Steph just wiping a tear from her eye and looking at Jason again.

Says, “Please tell me you didn’t break your nose.” Because she’s pretty sure it’s not broken but she might start crying if it is.

Jason blinks at her, quizzical. Looks to Duke, then, “No? Why would you even think that?” _Like he’s not bleeding all over his face_ and—

“I think you actually broke her.”

“What?” Jason sounds _so_ confused and Steph laughs harder. “I didn’t even _do_ anything.”

Sees Tim shrugging. Saying, “I don’t know, Jay. Maybe the sight of you just made her snap.”

Steph heaves in a breath, trying desperately to avoid Jason’s gaze so she doesn’t start laughing. One hand thrown over her face as she walks in front of them. Turning into the main hall.

There’s a murmur of footsteps and Steph looks sideways to Duke. Hand still in place and eyes a little wet, Duke quirking an eyebrow, lips stretched in half a smirk. Asks, “You okay?”

Steph opens her mouth, sucking in another breath before lowering her hand. Says, eyes crinkled with the remainders of laughter, “ _No_.” Duke snorts, but Steph looks away. Trying harder to even out her breathing, one arm still wrapped around her stomach.

Carpeted walls building up around them and Steph chances a glance back to see Cass and Damian walking with Jason and Tim.

Her footsteps taking on an echo-y pitch as she turns, continuing to the entrance. Knocks her shoulders into Duke as she goes, trying to whip Jason’s... _expression_ from her mind.

Cass and Damian gathering behind them as they walk into the hallway. And Steph is glad to say that guy-nervous is back!

Damian humming behind her shoulder, eyes narrowed. Saying, “Ambush.” And _yeah_ , Steph can _see that_. Some other guy standing next to guy-nervous she assumes is his manager.

Cass brushing in between Steph and Duke, aiming a look as if to say _I’ve got this_. Walks over to the duo with confidence Steph will aspire to have every day for the rest of her life. Saying, quite clearly, “My dad is rich.” Like the opening line of a bribe maybe.

All of them staring at her back for a second before Tim collapses in on himself with laughter, hand curling around his stomach like it might fall out if he doesn’t. _Steph can literally see tears in his eyes_.

Bites her lip, doesn’t look back at Tim _or_ Cass, afraid she might just tip over to the point of no return _too_. Turning to Jason who looks like he’s having the time of his _life_ , bloodied as he is. Saying, breathless, “ _Okay_. New plan.” He looks over, and Steph is trying _really hard_ not to laugh. Really, she is. But oh my _gosh_ , are these people a mess. Continues with an _amazing_ level of restrained amused, “ _You_!” Pointing at him while she puts that restraint to the test, trying not to grin. “Please, go do your.” Waves at him vaguely, and Jason looks down at his somehow _still_ spotless shirt before glancing up and quirking an eyebrow.

Steph saying, _louder_ over the sounds of Tim’s dying breath, “You _know_! Be intimidating!” Jason pulls the least intimidating face she has ever _seen_ on him. Steph sighing in mass agitation. Waving at him, saying, “ _Really_? What’s the point of you being so tall if you’re going to be useless in situations like this?” Ignoring the faint sound of Manager’s voice rumbling over her shoulder.

“ _Usually_ ,” Jason says, looking at her evenly. “Being tall is useful for grabbing things of tall _shelves_. Or rescuing _kittens_ from high places. _Not_ ,” and he says this with a surprising amount of offence. “Threating cinema staff.”

“ _Jason_ ,” Steph gestures, really at the end of her rope here. “You us _ed to be a **crime boss**_.”

Jason pulls a mild face, saying over Duke’s snort and Damian’s scoff, “I _wore a helmet, Steph_.”

“ _Jason_ ,” she says again. “You are _literally_ covered in blood right now.”

Jason crossing his arms, muttering like he _really_ trusts Cass’s abilities to be appropriately distracting, “ _Yeah_. _My_ blood.”

Damian scoffing again. Shoving a breathless Tim over so he can smirk up at Jason. “ _So_. Not much has changed then.”

Jason bares his teeth. Saying, “Oh _shut up_. I could break you in half with a _twig_.” With the _exact level_ of scariness Steph thinks they should be _utilizing_!

Steph gesturing at him with both hands then _continues to gesture at him_ until he looks at her, sighs. Looks over at Cass. _Sighs_.

“ _Jason_!”

“ _Fine_.”

He stares a second longer, half rolling his eyes. Turning bodily towards Cass and co. Stalking over like he’d _really_ just like to get this entire thing over with as quickly as possible.

The first thing he does is place a hand on Cass’s shoulder, and Steph really has to appreciate how tall he is for a second. Duke, Damian and Steph cocking their heads to the side at the same time. Then, Duke saying, “Huh.” Which, yeah. Neat.

All of them listening as Jason says, with a _sad_ amount of menace, “Yeah, we’re _leaving_ now.” Before herding Cass around guy-nervous and Manager. Honestly, Steph would’ve _really liked_ to have seen the expression on his face because, _apparently_ , they’re just letting them _go_.

Looks back at Tim, Damian and Duke, all of them sharing a glance of mild disbelief, honestly surprised at the convenience. Damian murmuring, “Well, that was sad.”

Duke elbows him. Hissing, “Shut up, Dames. Don’t ruin a good thing.” Steph nodding along in agreement.

And she’s the first of the group to spin on their heel and trot along after Jason and Cass. None of them looking sideways. Doesn’t relax even as she walks outside into the oppressive sunlight, Jason and Cass just patiently _leaning against a streetlight post_ like they haven’t fiddled with the basis of reality.

Steph stops on the steps, all of them pausing there for a second. Tim whispering, “What the heck, why haven’t we done this before.” Because yeah, _wow_.

Another pause, then, “Jason isn’t actually _that_ intimidating, right?”

All of them turning to Duke as they consider.

“ _Nope_. Not possible.”

“No _way_.”

“Those attendances were just _weak_ , Thomas.”

There’s another moment then they nod, accepting this. All of them walking over to Cass and Jason.

And really, Steph finds the sight of Jason _fairly_ reassuring. Says, standing in front of him, hands on hips, “You look like a _complete idiot_.” Jason pulling a face, _further_ validating this while Cass looks sideways at him with an amused smirk.

Damian muttering behind her, “That was _so_ weird.” Like he agrees with her whole-heartedly, and Steph looks at Jason again just to make _sure_ he still looks like he walked into a wall and lost.

_He does_.

“How did that even _work_?”

Jason huffs, pushing himself off the post. Says, sounding slightly offended but mostly amused, “You guys _do_ realize... I _was_ a crime boss, right?”

Steph just gestures at him widely, because she _thought she had._

Tim saying slowly, “I mean, you’re scary when you're trying to kill me but.” Pauses, squinting at Jason. The pause stretches. Says, “No. No, apparently I had not realized this.”

Duke just shrugs. Squinting at Jason too. Says, “I mean, _theoretically_.”

Damian doesn’t say anything, eyebrows furrowed together, staring at Jason like before this moment he would’ve laughed in the face of anyone that tried to tell him Jason Todd was _looming_.

Cass, for her part, just snorts at them. Jason saying beside her, “Wow. You guys are really on the road to getting stabbed on a street corner.” Then, “ _How_ could you not realize I was scary?” Like he honestly just _doesn’t understand_ and—

“I don’t know!” Steph throws her hands up. Then, “You’re scary but like,” gestures at him. Opens her mouth. _Gestures at him_.

Tim filling in, “You had guns.”

Damian saying, “And a stupid red helmet.”

Then Tim _again_ before Jason can get defensive, “And murderous tendencies.”

Steph adding, “Those _vastly add_ to your level of scary!” Saying, “I didn’t realize you were _actually_ scary.”

Jason looking at them. Scoffing. Says, “As oppose to _knockoff_ scary?”

Steph throws her hands up. “I don’t know, dude!”

Jason looks to Cass. Mouthing, “ _Wow_.” And she just cocks an eyebrow, looking amused at all of them. Jason looking back at them, throwing an arm around Cass’s shoulder. Saying, “You guys are breaking my heart a little bit.” But the thing is, he _still_ looks like he walked into a stupidly tall shelf and brained himself.

Duke just saying, “This is weird.” And Steph thinks he must be _losing his mind_ because Jason wasn’t even that murderous when he turned up!

Jason opens his mouth. Closes it. Looking them all over before opening his mouth to say something and _laughing_. Continues when he gets his breath, “Okay, I’m going to give you all a _moment_ because apparently, you thought I was shooting rose petals at people.”

Steph just shakes her head, staring. Says after a moment, looking back at Duke, Dami and Tim, “You know what? I think Damian’s right. Those guys were just pathetic.”

Damian nods. Still frowning. Mutters, “Of course I am.” Before turning on his heel and starting down the street. All three of them following while Jason sighs loudly.

Saying, “Are you _kidding_ me?”

Steph listening to both his and Cass’s footsteps follow. Cass saying behind them, “I thought you were scary.”

And Jason sighs again like he _really doesn’t believe her_. Saying, “Thanks, Cass.”

Steph swallows a laugh. Glances sideways at Tim, spying his similarly amused expression before snorting.

When Steph, Cass and Duke walk into the kitchen, Bruce is already there.

Looking over at them. Greets, “How was the movie?”

“Oh, yeah.” Steph nods. “It was good. Pretty good. I mean the first was definitely better, but you know what they say about—”

“Yeah,” Duke cuts in. “Damian, Tim and Jason trashed the theatre.”

Bruce pauses, just looks down at his coffee cup for a second like it might come alive and handle his parenting problems.

Honestly, Steph feels a little sympathy for him. _A little_. Somewhere and definitely not _here_ because Bruce is still staring at his coffee and that’s _hilarious_.

Eventually, he sighs, looking up. Starts with, “How much?”

They glance at each other. Cass throwing out with a considering frown, “Five-thousand?” Steph and Duke ponder this, nod.

Cass looks to Bruce. Informs, “Five-thousand.”

Bruce looks at her for a moment before sighing and slowly, _ever so slowly_ , bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. There’s a moment, all of them waiting patiently. Then he looks up. Manages to get out, “I _meant_ , how much did they _trash_ the _movie theatre_.”

“Oh!” Steph blinks. “Oh! No, yeah. It wasn’t that bad.” Looks to Cass and Duke for support as she says, “Yeah, they just like, made a huge mess. But, yeah.” She nods to Bruce. “No actual property damage.” A pause, she looks to Cass and Duke.

Cass cocks her head back. Says to Steph, “Minimal property damage.”

Steph nods. Says, turning back to Bruce, “Yeah, so. Only minimal property damage.”

Cass adding again, “Five-thousand.”

Bruce sighs, picking up his coffee. Stirring it with half a mind as he looks from Cass and Steph to Duke.

Duke, in turn, just nods, shrugging his agreement.

Bruce sighs again. Murmurs as he rounds the island, walking to sit at the table—Cass, Steph and Duke following along after a moment of hesitancy, “Of course they’re not here.”

Looking them over as everyone sits. His coffee clinking against the table. Asking again, “So how was the movie?”

Steph looks to Duke, _grins_.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo. Yeah. I kind of had fun imagining Bruce giving people 'donations' so they wouldn't sue his kids. And literally all of them responded like, hmm, which business should we help renovate this week?? Yes, I know it's terrible, _shuddup_. :D
> 
> As always I hope you enjoyed and please feel free to comment and geek out about these guys with me! I love hearing from you all so much! <3


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